Men’s & Women’s Sexual Health – Why Understanding the Difference Is the Secret to Good Sex
How Male Orgasm Differs from The Female Orgasm, and Why This Is So
Women’s sexual health, including orgasm, and men’s sexual health, including erectile issues or premature ejaculation are not topics that most men choose to acknowledge, much less talk about. Ian Kerner did both. He felt that he wasn’t able to engage in the kind of sex that he wanted to have, and then proceeded to educate himself on sexuality. With no internet at the time and precious little authentic information, it was a challenge. He proceeded to educate himself on the subject of women’s sexual health and sexuality, and this was, as he told me on my podcast, the doorway to his own sexuality.
Is early ejaculation really a problem?
I had a question to ask of Ian – surely there is a survival bias, an evolutionary imperative to be quick at copulation? In the wild, animals that copulate quickly leave themselves less vulnerable to attack, and as such delayed ejaculation could actually be seen as a flaw. While this would make sense, Ian pointed to the fact that human beings have evolved beyond having sex only as a means for procreation. The sex-for-procreation model is one based on Victorian western culture whereas humans have evolved in a way that sex is now tied up with relationships and recreation.
The deep research that Ian has conducted into sexuality, and women’s sexual health, in particular, led him to discover that the way that men and women are aroused is different. The way men and women orgasm is also different. So, while women take longer to become aroused, they remain in a semi-aroused state for longer, and are able to have authentic and even multiple orgasms, says Ian. He speaks about the female clitoris and how it is central to the female orgasm, and how the idea of penetration is not. Ian shared several such fascinating insights with me on The Adiel Gorel Show, which you can check out.
The pleasure gap.
As human sexuality and contraception evolved, it is probably for the first time that the West has actually paid any kind of attention to female sexuality. The subject was always shrouded in mystery and shame; a taboo subject because females were not supposed to have desires or experience pleasure. Historically, sex has always been looked at from the male point of view, and proper study and exploration of women’s sexual health is a far more recent phenomenon. In fact, female pleasure has historically been looked upon with distaste and censure.
This ‘pleasure gap’ is something that inspired Ian to write his first book She Comes First in the early 2000s, a book that is still very popular, with thousands of 5-star reviews on Amazon. Quite simply men were getting more sexual satisfaction than women, and this is why Ian wrote a book that helps men (and women) learn more about female pleasure. Ian points out that while male genitalia grows outward, women’s genitalia are concealed, and he has some very interesting insight to share about the anatomy of the female body as well.
Ian also speaks about how human sexuality has evolved to become more caring of partners during sex, accepting of the use of sex toys, and being able to look beyond heterosexual sex. It was a thought-provoking and illuminating conversation I had with Ian. Listen in – I think you will agree with me.